For my next blog I thought I would feature some of the extraordinary women that I have the pleasure to interact with. They inspire me and help me to grow everyday. The first person who was kind enough to share her story is my baby sister! Read her inspirational story as she shares her journey in overcoming a painful divorce. Thank you for sharing & keep shining Damps!
Anneline Alijan: Read her journey from pain through to self-discovery
I was married for 9 years before my divorce. This year, would have marked 29 years of marriage for me.
It was difficult to process my divorce at first, I was hurt, disappointed, humiliated, embarrassed, and shocked....it's difficult to peg it down in retrospect, but I experienced a plethora of emotions, and it continually changed over time.
At one point, I begged, I tried to mend things more out of shock and embarrassment. But I soon realized you cannot force someone to love you and to stay in a relationship when they have already left it emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I sought help from my family and turned to Christ. This might seem strange but I knew that medical counseling was not for me....it would have forced me to relive the situation and have probably opened deep-seated wounds that were long suppressed.
I handled it the best way I knew how.... I had to survive and prove to my ex-husband that I could get through it. As painful as it was, I could never let him think he had won after all I had a one-year-old to raise.
Forgive and forget is an adage but forgiveness was not an option, even though I knew I had to do it to free myself from the bitterness. Holding onto the bitterness was toxic and so much of this time was a blur.
The theme of my life was survival mode, day in and day out.
Today I can proudly say I have come a long way. It doesn't hurt as bad, but I do still have bouts of anger and disappointment for my son. I question the actions of his father and struggle to reconcile how a parent can leave a child, with no support and no structure. I may never have these answers but I have made a conscious effort to move on from the past, not into another relationship but rather mentally and emotionally. I made my priority raising my son and rebuilding our lives. Letting go also helped me find myself and the parts of me that I gave away and suppressed to protect the marriage.
My advice to any women in a difficult situation is to please remember you are more than able to overcome and survive, whether it is a divorce, separation, or a breakup. Never allow the person that ruined your past and present to control your future and destiny. We are resilient and more than overcomers.
When Christ created a woman, he built us with strength, life, grace, fortitude, and soft hearts. Years later, I feel braver, independent and I know my strengths and weaknesses......I love unconditionally, but I’m guarded!
At one point, I begged, I tried to mend things more out of shock and embarrassment. But I soon realized you cannot force someone to love you and to stay in a relationship when they have already left it emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I sought help from my family and turned to Christ. This might seem strange but I knew that medical counseling was not for me....it would have forced me to relive the situation and have probably opened deep-seated wounds that were long suppressed.
I handled it the best way I knew how.... I had to survive and prove to my ex-husband that I could get through it. As painful as it was, I could never let him think he had won after all I had a one-year-old to raise.
Forgive and forget is an adage but forgiveness was not an option, even though I knew I had to do it to free myself from the bitterness. Holding onto the bitterness was toxic and so much of this time was a blur.
The theme of my life was survival mode, day in and day out.
Today I can proudly say I have come a long way. It doesn't hurt as bad, but I do still have bouts of anger and disappointment for my son. I question the actions of his father and struggle to reconcile how a parent can leave a child, with no support and no structure. I may never have these answers but I have made a conscious effort to move on from the past, not into another relationship but rather mentally and emotionally. I made my priority raising my son and rebuilding our lives. Letting go also helped me find myself and the parts of me that I gave away and suppressed to protect the marriage.
My advice to any women in a difficult situation is to please remember you are more than able to overcome and survive, whether it is a divorce, separation, or a breakup. Never allow the person that ruined your past and present to control your future and destiny. We are resilient and more than overcomers.
When Christ created a woman, he built us with strength, life, grace, fortitude, and soft hearts. Years later, I feel braver, independent and I know my strengths and weaknesses......I love unconditionally, but I’m guarded!